Fiction ~ novel
Published (November?) 1898
(First read 07/11/2014)
I make no bones about it, gentle reader, The Money Market is pretty poor. It's not tearing-your-hair-out dreadful like Dodo, nor is it wanting-to-tear-their-eyes-out atrocious like Scarlet and Hyssop ~ it's just routine low-key poor. The good news is that it's virtually forgotten these days ... and deservedly so.
Our hero Percy Gerard has it all: he's 24; he's the acme of masculine beauty [yawn]; he's intelligent; he's a multi-millionaire¹; he's beloved by society and everyone-else-who-knows-him; and he's engaged to the loveliest young gel who ever graced late Victorian London [yawn].
The only snag is that said gel, Sybil Otterbourne, is a soulless husk of a thing, only interested in money, who thinks less of him than she does her lady's-maid². Even as early as 1898, this was well-trodden material for Fred Benson ~ see below for his own opinion of the book.
On his 25th birthday, for reasons EFB can't be bothered to explain, Percy is given a letter from his long-dead grandfather (his own father being also deceased) in which the said gent explains what this colossal fortune is founded on. And lo! shocker of the century, it turns out that Gerard grand-père was a moneylender, and the business of the firm ~ which Percy himself never even bothered to enquire about for 25 years ~ is still moneylending. Preposterous plot, moi? Well, anyway, Perce does the noble Bensonian thing and disposes of his moneylending businesses and the bulk of his fortune ... leaving him with a mere £70,000³ to shift on. That's not enough for Sybil, so she dumps him and marries an American millionaire named Carnegie⁴ instead. And after a brief bout of depression, from which he's rescued by Art, Percy marries his childhood pal who's been waiting in the wings all this time.
To describe the plot as cretinous would be an insult to cretinism. The whole sorry mess is available online here. I wouldn't bother, though.
¹ In today's money he can't be far off the billionaire bracket.
² At least her lady's-maid does her hair for her.
³ I forget the exact figure but it's something like this. It was enough to keep about 2,500 proles in food and lodgings for several decades, anyway.
⁴ I can't begin to imagine where EFB got the inspiration for this name.
Showing posts with label London. Show all posts
Showing posts with label London. Show all posts
Friday, 7 November 2014
Monday, 4 August 2014
The Zoo
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| "Hullo everyone ~ I'm a quagga!" |
Published in Six Common Things, November 1893
(First read 04/08/2014)
Casting about for Something To Write About, EFB pays a visit to the zoo (undoubtedly London Zoo) and produces various sketches of the animal life. As always, our favourite author excels himself when talking about animals ~ here he tackles parrots¹, seals, storks, bears, dingoes, snakes (for which creature he exhibits a peculiar venom² which can only be described as biblical), and, at some length, monkeys. All good clean fun. Unlike the majority of zoos, which any civilized person wouldn't even keep a quagga in. [joke]
You can read it online here.
¹ Again ~ see Jack and Poll.
² Pun unintentional.
Sunday, 27 July 2014
The Blackmailer of Park Lane
Fiction ~ short story
First published in The Countess of Lowndes Square and Other Stories, 1920
9,965 words
(First read 27/07/2014)
Very much in the same bracket as The Countess of Lowndes Square in that it's a tale of the blackmailer blackmailed. Arthur Whately is a fifty-something self-made millionaire, and a bit of a reprobate on the QT. Realizing one day that he's bored at having done and bought everything he ever wanted, he decides (like you do) to embark on a new career as a blackmailer. For his first victim he chooses his 'friend' and neighbour Lord Peebles. Unfortunately he doesn't know Lord P at all well, and E F Benson was feeling particularly bone-idle on this occasion, so he just assumes that if he writes to him saying "I know what you were doing between Aug. 2nd and Aug. 10th two years ago", Peebles will have been doing something to feel guilty about. And so it turns out ... and the rest is, as they say, as much bunkum as this would lead you to expect.
An amazingly daft story ~ not 'fun', just 'daft'. The tone is supposedly light but it's all told at such inordinate length (about twice the length of the average EFB story) that it feels like swimming through treacle. I'm not saying it's bad: just that it's woefully over-long, not in the least bit funny, and pretty dull.
It's available online here. Good luck.
First published in The Countess of Lowndes Square and Other Stories, 1920
9,965 words
(First read 27/07/2014)
Very much in the same bracket as The Countess of Lowndes Square in that it's a tale of the blackmailer blackmailed. Arthur Whately is a fifty-something self-made millionaire, and a bit of a reprobate on the QT. Realizing one day that he's bored at having done and bought everything he ever wanted, he decides (like you do) to embark on a new career as a blackmailer. For his first victim he chooses his 'friend' and neighbour Lord Peebles. Unfortunately he doesn't know Lord P at all well, and E F Benson was feeling particularly bone-idle on this occasion, so he just assumes that if he writes to him saying "I know what you were doing between Aug. 2nd and Aug. 10th two years ago", Peebles will have been doing something to feel guilty about. And so it turns out ... and the rest is, as they say, as much bunkum as this would lead you to expect.
An amazingly daft story ~ not 'fun', just 'daft'. The tone is supposedly light but it's all told at such inordinate length (about twice the length of the average EFB story) that it feels like swimming through treacle. I'm not saying it's bad: just that it's woefully over-long, not in the least bit funny, and pretty dull.
It's available online here. Good luck.
Wednesday, 16 July 2014
The Sound of the Grinding
Non-fiction (?) ~ sketch
Published in Six Common Things, November 1893
(First read 16/07/2014)
An impressionistic portrait of London in the 1890s.
Benson flits from one disconnected subject to the next: the River Thames > London crowds > a drowned baby > an old chestnut-seller > the misery of child labour in a Christmas card factory > the profession of being 'disgusting' > Londoners' addiction to 'grinding' (hustle) > the therapeutic nature of paintings > the tragicomedy of London > a donkey-cart at Covent Garden > an act of charity, manqué. The only common theme would appear to be something like "London, especially for the poor, is horrible and miserable." The most incoherent bit of writing by EFB I've read to date.
See if you can make more sense of it yourself ~ it's available online here.
Published in Six Common Things, November 1893
(First read 16/07/2014)
An impressionistic portrait of London in the 1890s.
Benson flits from one disconnected subject to the next: the River Thames > London crowds > a drowned baby > an old chestnut-seller > the misery of child labour in a Christmas card factory > the profession of being 'disgusting' > Londoners' addiction to 'grinding' (hustle) > the therapeutic nature of paintings > the tragicomedy of London > a donkey-cart at Covent Garden > an act of charity, manqué. The only common theme would appear to be something like "London, especially for the poor, is horrible and miserable." The most incoherent bit of writing by EFB I've read to date.
See if you can make more sense of it yourself ~ it's available online here.
Thursday, 12 June 2014
Social Customs
Non-fiction - essay
First published in The Spectator, 29th April 1937*
1,515 words
(First read 12/06/2014)
Presumably the title Social Customs among the Extremely Rich and Fashionable in Victorian London wouldn't have been deemed catchy enough. This reads somewhat like EFB's notes for his quartet of novellas Old London, which was published in the September of the same year. He covers: the development of Belgravia, that swankiest of London districts; the 'season' and country house-parties; carriage etiquette; dinner-parties; entertainments at Buckingham Palace and elsewhere; seemly conversation; and so on and so forth. It's all jolly interesting if you're interested in that kind of thing, but doesn't really tell you much which, if you're interested in that kind of thing, you wouldnt've known already.
You can read the article online here.
*The essay was collected in Sea Mist: Collected Spook Stories Volume 5 (2005), under the title Social Customs in 1837.
First published in The Spectator, 29th April 1937*
1,515 words
(First read 12/06/2014)
Presumably the title Social Customs among the Extremely Rich and Fashionable in Victorian London wouldn't have been deemed catchy enough. This reads somewhat like EFB's notes for his quartet of novellas Old London, which was published in the September of the same year. He covers: the development of Belgravia, that swankiest of London districts; the 'season' and country house-parties; carriage etiquette; dinner-parties; entertainments at Buckingham Palace and elsewhere; seemly conversation; and so on and so forth. It's all jolly interesting if you're interested in that kind of thing, but doesn't really tell you much which, if you're interested in that kind of thing, you wouldnt've known already.
You can read the article online here.
*The essay was collected in Sea Mist: Collected Spook Stories Volume 5 (2005), under the title Social Customs in 1837.
Saturday, 12 April 2014
Rex
Fiction ~ novel
Published March/April 1925
Approx. 109,000 words
(First read 12/04/2014)
[21/04/14] It's now well over a week since I finished Rex and I'm still trying to think of something good to say about it ...
[24/04/14] This isn't what you'd call a 'good' thing: it's just something that came to me while I was lying there racked with insomnia (etc.) at 3.30 this morning. When EFB had finished writing Colin (1923) and Colin II (1925) he found he had about 100,000 words left over: these he published under the title Rex.
Okay, serious now. The plot: Rex is a young chap (24 in this case) who wants to be a playwright. When he's not living in London and working as a solicitor's clerk, or something like that, he lives with his parents in Norfolk, or somewhere like that, somewhere with a beach nearby. He and the said father, who's Benson Father Type A (much older than his
wife; cold; forbidding; cantankerous, etc.) don't get on at all; in fact they live in a state of
constant hostility. During one of his spells in London, Rex meets a woman, a divorcée of 32 years, a certain Mrs Winton; he doesn't reckon much to her at first, but is happy enough to live rent-free in her flat while she goes off on holiday for a couple of months. The pater finds out about this; incensed that his son should be living off a woman, he confronts Rex; there's a Big Scene, after which he just has enough time to cut the troublesome son off without a penny, get the train home, have tea with his wife, during which he tells her the news, then drop dead on the drawing-room carpet.
This comes more or less exactly half way through the book ...
... and is the point at which it turns into just another Bensonian 'drama', with not the least shred of humour, about a not-especially-interesting young man pursuing a not-at-all-interesting career.
Rex has a best friend named Oliver who is ~ I'm not going to beat about the bush here ~ a poorly repressed homosexual who's in love with our hero. His declarations to Rex, coming from a supposedly straight man, are toe-curlingly embarrassing. Rex, having no great liking for anything other than his 'work', finds Oliver a nuisance at best, and they have a falling-out, then eventually a reconciliation of sorts. So that's one thing that happens.
The other ~ the Big One ~ is that Rex, despite having no soul to speak of, gradually realizes he's 'in love' with his divorcée, and convinces himself that it's reciprocal. In a scene which I can only describe as 'risible', he declares himself, and goes into a clinch with said woman; after which, she turns round¹ and says to him, "If you think I'm in the least bit in love with you, you're a total div ~ I was just messing with your head."² Rex is devastated and has a kind of nervous breakdowny affair. He says to Oliver, of Mrs Winton:
Does any good come of all this? Well, yes and no. Mainly the latter. Our hero, who's been plugging away at plays all this time only to have them all rejected, suddenly realizes that he needs to pander to the public's love of cruelty and cynicism, so he dips his pen in bile and pens a piece about a cruel and heartless woman etc. And it's a hit! (The funny thing is that from what EFB tells us of Rex's work before and after his Road to Damascus experience, it's all exactly the same!)
Is that the end? No, the end is that Mrs W conveniently develops some mysterious illness or other; Rex visits her on her deathbed; and he forgives her.
Rex is, not to put too fine a point to it, a hopeless farrago of idiotic plotting, unbelievable characters you couldn't care less about, dead ends, red herrings, extremely feeble attempts at humour, missed opportunities, turgid dialogue, creaking moralities (difficult to believe EFB and, for example, D H Lawrence even inhabited the same planet, let alone the same country and time) ~ in short, it's a mess.
¹ Oops, this sounds rather like he was kissing the back of her head. He wasn't.
² This isn't a direct quote, obviously.
THE CRITICS
Published March/April 1925
Approx. 109,000 words
(First read 12/04/2014)
[21/04/14] It's now well over a week since I finished Rex and I'm still trying to think of something good to say about it ...
[24/04/14] This isn't what you'd call a 'good' thing: it's just something that came to me while I was lying there racked with insomnia (etc.) at 3.30 this morning. When EFB had finished writing Colin (1923) and Colin II (1925) he found he had about 100,000 words left over: these he published under the title Rex.
Okay, serious now. The plot: Rex is a young chap (24 in this case) who wants to be a playwright. When he's not living in London and working as a solicitor's clerk, or something like that, he lives with his parents in Norfolk, or somewhere like that, somewhere with a beach nearby. He and the said father, who's Benson Father Type A (much older than his
constant hostility. During one of his spells in London, Rex meets a woman, a divorcée of 32 years, a certain Mrs Winton; he doesn't reckon much to her at first, but is happy enough to live rent-free in her flat while she goes off on holiday for a couple of months. The pater finds out about this; incensed that his son should be living off a woman, he confronts Rex; there's a Big Scene, after which he just has enough time to cut the troublesome son off without a penny, get the train home, have tea with his wife, during which he tells her the news, then drop dead on the drawing-room carpet.
This comes more or less exactly half way through the book ...
... and is the point at which it turns into just another Bensonian 'drama', with not the least shred of humour, about a not-especially-interesting young man pursuing a not-at-all-interesting career.
Rex has a best friend named Oliver who is ~ I'm not going to beat about the bush here ~ a poorly repressed homosexual who's in love with our hero. His declarations to Rex, coming from a supposedly straight man, are toe-curlingly embarrassing. Rex, having no great liking for anything other than his 'work', finds Oliver a nuisance at best, and they have a falling-out, then eventually a reconciliation of sorts. So that's one thing that happens.
The other ~ the Big One ~ is that Rex, despite having no soul to speak of, gradually realizes he's 'in love' with his divorcée, and convinces himself that it's reciprocal. In a scene which I can only describe as 'risible', he declares himself, and goes into a clinch with said woman; after which, she turns round¹ and says to him, "If you think I'm in the least bit in love with you, you're a total div ~ I was just messing with your head."² Rex is devastated and has a kind of nervous breakdowny affair. He says to Oliver, of Mrs Winton:
She's a spiritual Sadist, of great intellectual and physical refinement, but with a passion for the torture and heart's blood of nice young men like you and me.No, like you, Rexie.
Does any good come of all this? Well, yes and no. Mainly the latter. Our hero, who's been plugging away at plays all this time only to have them all rejected, suddenly realizes that he needs to pander to the public's love of cruelty and cynicism, so he dips his pen in bile and pens a piece about a cruel and heartless woman etc. And it's a hit! (The funny thing is that from what EFB tells us of Rex's work before and after his Road to Damascus experience, it's all exactly the same!)
Is that the end? No, the end is that Mrs W conveniently develops some mysterious illness or other; Rex visits her on her deathbed; and he forgives her.
Rex is, not to put too fine a point to it, a hopeless farrago of idiotic plotting, unbelievable characters you couldn't care less about, dead ends, red herrings, extremely feeble attempts at humour, missed opportunities, turgid dialogue, creaking moralities (difficult to believe EFB and, for example, D H Lawrence even inhabited the same planet, let alone the same country and time) ~ in short, it's a mess.
¹ Oops, this sounds rather like he was kissing the back of her head. He wasn't.
² This isn't a direct quote, obviously.
THE CRITICS
There are some writers whom it is somewhat difficult to place. Mr E F Benson is one of them. He can be ethereal one minute and mundane the next. You never quite know ~ when you hear that he has a new book on the stocks ~ whether he is going to describe the stars or discuss the slums ~ as witness his several David books and Dodo the Second. But whether it relates to the heavens above or the earth beneath, a new book by him is a great literary event. In Rex […] we are moved by high moral considerations at one moment and are brought down to such everyday problems as the evacuation of the Ruhr the next. The title of the book is the Christian name of its chief character.Rex Goodwin and his doings and his sayings provoke thought and reflection. No ordinary man is this, and the study of his character as portrayed by Mr Benson not only provides delightful reading, but stern teaching. My advice to those who like to think while they read is ~ read Rex. It is a really great novel.
~'The Bookworm' in
The Western Morning News and Mercury, 06/04/1925
It is a hard thing to say about the author of the once daring Dodo (by the way, isn't Dodo's granddaughter almost ripe by now for analysis?), but Mr. Benson is an incorruptible Victorian. One has a rather Rip Van Winklish feeling about the people of his latest novel—that they went to sleep sometime in that relative age of innocence, the naughty 'nineties, and on awaking in the age of flapper went on behaving themselves as though nothing had happened. Rex Goodwin is not really of this day and generation, but of Mr. Benson's own, and it was about the time of the Boer War that he should have come down from Cambridge with an Ibsen in his pocket and in his heart the determination to go and do likewise. Even the successful play that he finally writes with a cynical snarl, prostituting his art because a lady has been unkind, is the sort of play that was ridiculed by the young intellectuals of the beginning of the century.If Rex is a Victorian, or at latest an Edwardian, heredity may account for it, for more Victorian figures than his parents could hardly be imagined—an irascible, unreasonable father, a sweet, docile mother, palpitating with love and sacrifice for both the superior, and mutually irreconcilable, males of her family. There may still be fathers like Rex's, but one prefers not to believe it.After all, however, Mr. Benson has a perfect right, if he pleases, to postulate Victorian survivals in a post-war world; and in this case it happens that the play is not the thing (Rex could have been an insurance broker just as well as a dramatist), but the character of the playwright. In Rex Goodwin the author has drawn a character probably more unusual in fiction than in life— hard, glittering, intellectual, able to stimulate love, but seemingly incapable of feeling it. As foils and victims are his mother and a man friend of school and Cambridge days. The interplay of the three characters, with the preposterous father appearing and disappearing as a diabolus ex machina, is dexterously handled and interesting to watch. The experienced reader would no doubt guess the dénouement even had the publisher's blurb not obligingly given it away. Love cavalierly treated will have its revenge, and in Rex's case the vampire lady chosen as the instrument of vengeance makes a remarkably good job of it The conclusion is just the sort of thing that Rex and his sophisticated young intellectuals (of the 'nineties) would have become ribald over, and if the novel were ever filmed there would undoubtedly be a title about the 'cleansing fires of love'; but there it is,— and Mr. Benson has again given us an entertaining novel in his second best style.
~The Saturday
Review, 20/02/1926
Mr Benson's novels are always so fresh, full of the sage of life, and Rex is one of those stories, that, once begun must be finished. It savours of undergraduate repartee being so rich in finesse. It concerns parental responsibility and filial devotion. Parents would learn from it much wisdom, and sons and daughters much understanding of their duty and age. It clearly shows that the demands made by age from youth should not be demanded so much as a right but received as the bouquets from human understanding and direction. Rex is a highly-strung boy who whilst ready to be friends is quite as keen to be at variance with his father. He wants a reason for every action demanded of him. He is a sort of Cassabianca standing always on the burning deck, and even when friendly is always on guard for an undiplomatic word which will give him his chance. Mr Benson has [gauged] the psychology of youth in aspersed fashion. The criticisms are healthy, affording a much desired mental tone. Rex has his problems to face and faces them, even maintaining his sang froid against all the conventions. He accepts the flat of a woman friend who bears all expenses, yet sees nothing wrong, until his mother sees his predicament. Rex is selfish, always taking, and at times he thinks it is too much trouble even to receive.
~The Daily Mail
[Hull], 20/03/1925. A curiously incoherent bit of writing. When he says 'Cassabianca' does he mean 'Cassandra'? Also: I
get the distinct impression the reviewer only read about one third of
the book. EDIT, after doing a bit of that research thing: No, the reviewer meant Casabianca ~ he just didn't know how to spell it.
Tuesday, 8 April 2014
A Superfluous Loyalist
Fiction ~ short story
Published in Pall Mall Magazine, October 1902
(First read 08/04/2014)
Benson goes back over very well-trodden ground for this love-triangle quickie. Dick Somethingorother, toff, part-time MP, and rider of horses in The Row, finds out that his cousin Madge (toff, full-time idler, and rider of horses in The Row), who he's loved in secret for x amount of time, has just become engaged to his best pal Jim (toff etc.). Now unfortunately Dick and Jim spent some time together in Paris in their youth, for the purpose of learning French¹, during which time Jim sowed rather more than his fair share of wild oats ~ so we're told. This leaves Dick in a beastly dilemma: should he tell Madge about Jim's sordid past as a way of shunting Jim out of the picture, so allowing himself the chance of a crack at her? or should he tell Madge about Jim's sordid past in order to save her from marrying a bounder? or should he persuade Jim to come clean himself? or should he just go out for another ride in The Row? I'm pleased to report it all ends happily for everyone. Except Dick.
The story is available online here ~ scroll along the bottom line till you hit page 225.
¹ A language spoken by foreign johnnies, apparently.
Published in Pall Mall Magazine, October 1902
(First read 08/04/2014)
![]() |
| A View of Rotten Row, Thomas Blinks, c.1900 |
The story is available online here ~ scroll along the bottom line till you hit page 225.
¹ A language spoken by foreign johnnies, apparently.
Tuesday, 21 January 2014
A Reaping
Fiction ~ novel (kind of)
Published 1909
Approx. 72,000 words
(First read 21/01/2014)
... is the sequel to The Book of Months and is really just more of the same, only longer: it's no better, no worse, just more.
The 'action' picks up two or three years later: our faceless, originless, characterless, surnameless author-hero has now been married two years to the woman (Helen) he selected at the end of Months and Months for pretty well the sole reason that she was the dead spit of the departed Margery. The couple mooch about between London and their house in the country (mostly the latter), often accompanied by Jack's cousin 'Legs', a kind of elongated 20-year-old puppychap, very likeable. Jack has lost none of his chronic habit of tedious maundering. I won't bore the pants off everyone by recounting any of the 'plot', just give selected 'highlights':
(1) September¹: Jack and Legs ~ and the dog Fifi² ~ have a mildly supernatural experience involving a so-called revenant. It's a lot less interesting than it might sound.
(2) October: Jack and Helen do some gardening.
(3) November: Jack and Helen do some more gardening. Legs nearly gets engaged. And ... into this teeth-grindingly dull farrago of dusty drivel EFB sees fit to drop A Comic Character, in the shape of Mr Holmes, one of their neighbours in the country.
(4) February: Edward Frederic Benson murders Legs for no reason whatsoever.
(5) April: Jack and Helen, but mainly Jack, goes on holiday to Greece and bores us rigid with that for what feels like 300 pages but is in fact only 14. As an example of how supremely turgid the Benson prose gets when he's waxing lyrical about the ancient world, I'll quote this stupefyingly bad sentence:
Okay enough! ~ I've already wasted far more time than I intended to on this.
NOT RECOMMENDED, but if you're feeling very brave it's available online here.
¹ Like it's predecessor, A Reaping is divided into twelve month-long chapters. But for no discernible reason it starts at June this time.
² Yes: Fifi.
³ Jack presumably hasn't heard the thing about casting the beam out of one's own eye ...
THE CRITICS
Published 1909
Approx. 72,000 words
(First read 21/01/2014)
... is the sequel to The Book of Months and is really just more of the same, only longer: it's no better, no worse, just more.
The 'action' picks up two or three years later: our faceless, originless, characterless, surnameless author-hero has now been married two years to the woman (Helen) he selected at the end of Months and Months for pretty well the sole reason that she was the dead spit of the departed Margery. The couple mooch about between London and their house in the country (mostly the latter), often accompanied by Jack's cousin 'Legs', a kind of elongated 20-year-old puppychap, very likeable. Jack has lost none of his chronic habit of tedious maundering. I won't bore the pants off everyone by recounting any of the 'plot', just give selected 'highlights':
(1) September¹: Jack and Legs ~ and the dog Fifi² ~ have a mildly supernatural experience involving a so-called revenant. It's a lot less interesting than it might sound.
(2) October: Jack and Helen do some gardening.
(3) November: Jack and Helen do some more gardening. Legs nearly gets engaged. And ... into this teeth-grindingly dull farrago of dusty drivel EFB sees fit to drop A Comic Character, in the shape of Mr Holmes, one of their neighbours in the country.
"He is a kind little gentleman, about forty-five years old, who lives with his sister, and does not do anything whatever³. He is generally known as the Bun-hander, because no tea-party has ever been known to take place for miles round at which Mr. Holmes was not handing refreshments to the ladies. That is his strength, his forte. His weakness is just as amiable ~ though, perhaps, hardly so useful ~ for his weakness is Rank."Before anyone gets excited at the prospect of an undiscovered Bensonian comic hero, I hasten to point out that Mr H isn't actually all that funny: as with the character of Mrs Murchison in Mammon & Co., EFB describes with glee everyone's (especially Legs') reaction to him without bothering to make the character himself especially comic. Oh and he's gone in a flash.
(4) February: Edward Frederic Benson murders Legs for no reason whatsoever.
(5) April: Jack and Helen, but mainly Jack, goes on holiday to Greece and bores us rigid with that for what feels like 300 pages but is in fact only 14. As an example of how supremely turgid the Benson prose gets when he's waxing lyrical about the ancient world, I'll quote this stupefyingly bad sentence:
"Never, so we must believe, during that wonderful century and a half, when from the ground, maybe, of the lifeless hieratic Egyptian art there shot up that transcendant flower of loveliness, of which even the fragments that remain to us now, battered and disfigured as they are, are in another zone of beauty compared to all that went before or has come afterwards, was anything ugly produced at all, except as deliberate caricature."I defy anyone not to turn blue with tedium reading this section.
Okay enough! ~ I've already wasted far more time than I intended to on this.
NOT RECOMMENDED, but if you're feeling very brave it's available online here.
¹ Like it's predecessor, A Reaping is divided into twelve month-long chapters. But for no discernible reason it starts at June this time.
² Yes: Fifi.
³ Jack presumably hasn't heard the thing about casting the beam out of one's own eye ...
THE CRITICS
~Brian Masters in The Life of E. F. Benson, 1991A Reaping (1909) is not a novel to shine.
There is nothing to hold against the Benson brothers but their unfailing industry. Nothing can swerve them from the path of producing a book or two a year. It remains, therefore, for their readers to accept the fact that the matter contained in the books must be slight. A Reaping, by E. F. Benson, is slighter than usual. It is unconventionally invented, the chapter headings bearing the names of the months and the structure being of a rather straggling and casual kind. The usual ingredients, however, are to hand; meditative à la A. C. Benson; the third brother's unfailing interest in the god Pan; also his lasting interest in women's hair, which the author brushes and describes much as he has done in The Climber and other volumes. There is also a ghost, a warning, reflections upon death, à la R. H. Benson, as well as a great deal of charming landscape and light laughter. The doctrine is Stevenson's of cheer and kindness at all costs; excellent doctrines, but not gripping nor vitalizing. It is sad, but somehow the ultimate amiability of all things was always and remains still a tepid inspiration. The book is very gentle, sweet-spirited and kindly, and if it were by a young and unknown author we should hail it with pleasure and delight; but Mr. Benson must submit to the criterion of his past. Our demand upon him is like that the little schoolgirl made of the readier elder sister who wrote her compositions for her week by week: "Now be sure and make me improve a little since last time," she would urge. We want Mr. Benson to improve a little each time. He is still quite young enough, and we recommend a stern experience of deprivation and misery or a very undermining course of reading; not so much that he may, as Nietzsche might say, hold more correct views, but that he should liberate himself from what is customary either successfully or disastrously. It is a great doctrine to set one's faith upon, that a big failure is better than a slight success.
~The
North American Review,
April 1910 (edited for crap spelling etc.)
Monday, 11 November 2013
The Unwanted
Fiction ~ novella / long short story
Published 17th September 1937*
Approx. 21,000 words
(First read 11/11/2013)
The
fourth and last of Benson's 'Old London' quartet and my favourite of
the bunch. It's a day-in-the-life story set in a world EFB was
completely familiar with: the genteel microcosmic world of the Edwardian
London square ~ think Secret Lives and a lot of the spook
stories (and no doubt others I've not read yet). Miss Dorothy Vincent
is 'a short, energetic woman of middle age, of full figure and eager countenance' ~ remind you of anyone? This classic Bensonian spinster
lives in the fictional Beaconsfield Square with her elderly ~ and unpleasant ~ aunt and her pekinese Chang ('known also as "Strong Mannie"'!) She fills her own and other people's lives with the usual pastimes ~ walking the dog, pestering the local vicar, visiting, that kind of thing, and considers herself busy. And, of course, of course, she has no idea how utterly unwanted she is. It would have been easy for EFB to make a figure of fun of her, but he doesn't: I actually felt for her. I won't give away the plot other than to say that she rounds off the day with a magnificently risky and utterly uncharacteristic 'adventure'. Not available online.
* The four Old London books were only ever published in the United States, apparently.
Published 17th September 1937*
Approx. 21,000 words
(First read 11/11/2013)
lives in the fictional Beaconsfield Square with her elderly ~ and unpleasant ~ aunt and her pekinese Chang ('known also as "Strong Mannie"'!) She fills her own and other people's lives with the usual pastimes ~ walking the dog, pestering the local vicar, visiting, that kind of thing, and considers herself busy. And, of course, of course, she has no idea how utterly unwanted she is. It would have been easy for EFB to make a figure of fun of her, but he doesn't: I actually felt for her. I won't give away the plot other than to say that she rounds off the day with a magnificently risky and utterly uncharacteristic 'adventure'. Not available online.
* The four Old London books were only ever published in the United States, apparently.
Labels:
dogs,
London,
Old London,
Secret Lives,
spinsters,
The Unwanted
Monday, 23 September 2013
Portrait of an English Nobleman
Fiction ~ novella / long short story
Published 17th September 1937*
Approx. 22,000 words
(First read 23/09/2013)
This is the first in Benson's quartet of novellas published under the title Old London. There's no connexion between the four other than the setting.
This was quite good fun. It's set in the Georgian period ... to be precise in the very last year of that period, 1829-30. It's the kind of romp you'd expect of Georgian gents (mistress in a pied à terre in London; frosty wife and kids at home in the country ...), and with lashings of historical detail ~ hardly profound but entertaining enough.
*These four books were only published in the United States.
[10/2014] I saw one of the originals in a secondhand bookshop in Wales the other day ~ the only one I've ever seen. I didn't buy it because I've already got a set of the modern reprints. At least, I assume they're modern reprints ~ if not, they're in remarkably mint condition, notwithstanding the lack of any dust-jackets.
Published 17th September 1937*
Approx. 22,000 words
(First read 23/09/2013)
This is the first in Benson's quartet of novellas published under the title Old London. There's no connexion between the four other than the setting.
This was quite good fun. It's set in the Georgian period ... to be precise in the very last year of that period, 1829-30. It's the kind of romp you'd expect of Georgian gents (mistress in a pied à terre in London; frosty wife and kids at home in the country ...), and with lashings of historical detail ~ hardly profound but entertaining enough.
*These four books were only published in the United States.
[10/2014] I saw one of the originals in a secondhand bookshop in Wales the other day ~ the only one I've ever seen. I didn't buy it because I've already got a set of the modern reprints. At least, I assume they're modern reprints ~ if not, they're in remarkably mint condition, notwithstanding the lack of any dust-jackets.
Sunday, 23 December 2012
Monkeys
Fiction ~ short story
First published* in Weird Tales, December 1933
Collected in More Spook Stories (1934)
6,240 words
(First read 23/12/2012)
Monkeys/apes, an ancient Egyptian mummy and the curse that inevitably goes with it, a London surgeon who experiments on live animals (among them, obviously, monkeys) ~ all the ingredients for ... well, a routine Benson spook/horror story in which the author cannot resist the temptation to tell you, around the halfway point, what's going to happen in the end, making it not worth your while to read to the end.
It's available online here.
*Apparently.
First published* in Weird Tales, December 1933
Collected in More Spook Stories (1934)
6,240 words
(First read 23/12/2012)
Monkeys/apes, an ancient Egyptian mummy and the curse that inevitably goes with it, a London surgeon who experiments on live animals (among them, obviously, monkeys) ~ all the ingredients for ... well, a routine Benson spook/horror story in which the author cannot resist the temptation to tell you, around the halfway point, what's going to happen in the end, making it not worth your while to read to the end.
It's available online here.
*Apparently.
Thursday, 5 July 2012
The Thing in the Hall
Fiction ~ short story
First published in The Room in the Tower and Other Stories, 1912
4,685 words
(First read 05/07/2012)
I'm rather in two minds about The Thing in the Hall. In one way it's very routine Benson London spook: two gentlemanfriends live next door to one another; one is a maverick who conjures up an 'elemental' in his living-cum-dining-room ~ the 'hall' of the title; the elemental ends up killing him; the friend (who's a hypnotherapist and the narrator of the piece) looks on first with skepticism, then with horror. Then again, for a change there isn't masses of signposting of what's going to happen in the end, though we know from early on that things are going to end nastily ~ especially when the maverick casually invokes the name of Satan. But then again when the critter does reveal itself the effect is rather like one of those $200M CGI-laden Hollywood epics that ends in yet another humdrum fistfight between the white hat and the black: it turns out to be pretty much a carbon copy of the one in 'And No Bird Sings ...' (1926), kind of a cross between an overgrown slug and a walrus, with no plan other than to vampirize folk.
So, it sort of works. It's available online here.
QUESTION
I'd appreciate it if anyone could enlighten me as to what this bolded part might mean. This comes at a point where our two chaps, having (as it were) lost touch with their spook, have called in a professional medium to see if he can 'find' it. The pro is successful but ends up being attacked by the creature; afterwards
You'll not be surprised to hear that though the medium survives the attack
First published in The Room in the Tower and Other Stories, 1912
4,685 words
(First read 05/07/2012)
I'm rather in two minds about The Thing in the Hall. In one way it's very routine Benson London spook: two gentlemanfriends live next door to one another; one is a maverick who conjures up an 'elemental' in his living-cum-dining-room ~ the 'hall' of the title; the elemental ends up killing him; the friend (who's a hypnotherapist and the narrator of the piece) looks on first with skepticism, then with horror. Then again, for a change there isn't masses of signposting of what's going to happen in the end, though we know from early on that things are going to end nastily ~ especially when the maverick casually invokes the name of Satan. But then again when the critter does reveal itself the effect is rather like one of those $200M CGI-laden Hollywood epics that ends in yet another humdrum fistfight between the white hat and the black: it turns out to be pretty much a carbon copy of the one in 'And No Bird Sings ...' (1926), kind of a cross between an overgrown slug and a walrus, with no plan other than to vampirize folk.
So, it sort of works. It's available online here.
QUESTION
I'd appreciate it if anyone could enlighten me as to what this bolded part might mean. This comes at a point where our two chaps, having (as it were) lost touch with their spook, have called in a professional medium to see if he can 'find' it. The pro is successful but ends up being attacked by the creature; afterwards
There on the floor lay the medium, Louis [that's the maverick] was kneeling by him with a face of wet paper, but there was nothing else there.Does it just mean he's turned white? or does it mean he's been crying?
You'll not be surprised to hear that though the medium survives the attack
I never saw him again. A week after that he died of blood-poisoning.Such are the dangers of being a minor ~ or even a major ~ character in an E. F. Benson yarn.
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
Bagnell Terrace
Fiction ~ short story
First published in Hutchinson's Magazine, July 1925
Collected in Spook Stories (1928)
5,000 words
(First read 19/06/2012)
One of EFB's London spook stories. Unidentified Narrator lives in Bagnell Terrace, a place so tranquil that ...
I can't imagine it took Benson more than about 35 minutes to write this garbled twaddle. Hardly his finest hour.
You can read it online here.
* Renamed Hugh Abbot for this particular outing.
THE CRITICS
First published in Hutchinson's Magazine, July 1925
Collected in Spook Stories (1928)
5,000 words
(First read 19/06/2012)
One of EFB's London spook stories. Unidentified Narrator lives in Bagnell Terrace, a place so tranquil that ...
even the cats [...] have caught something of its discretion and tranquillity, for they do not hail each other with long-drawn yells of mortal agony like their cousins in less well-conducted places, but sit and have quiet little parties like the owners of the houses in which they condescend to be lodged and boarded. [this is the high point of the story]U.N. lusts after the end-terrace house, which is occupied by a mysterious recluse, a man neither young nor old but, in the words of neighbour and intimate friend Hugh Grainger*, 'timeless'. Well anyway, the long and the short is that after a purely coincidental trip to Egypt, U.N. takes ownership of the house, which, almost forgot to mention, has a 'garden room' exactly like EFB's in Rye, and the place turns out to be haunted ... or possessed ... by the previous owner ... or EFB's Egyptian cat souvenir ... or something. As usual good old Hughie comes to the rescue and exorcises the place merely by invoking God's name once or twice.
I can't imagine it took Benson more than about 35 minutes to write this garbled twaddle. Hardly his finest hour.
You can read it online here.
* Renamed Hugh Abbot for this particular outing.
THE CRITICS
In several of [Benson's spook] stories, the lust to possess a particular house forms the fulcrum of the plot (as in Bagnell Terrace) and the unassuaged anger and revengefulness of the dispossessed owner is often what creates the haunt. Reconciliation and Naboth's Vineyard are two of his most successful stories, especially the latter, which has a really blood-curdling climax.
~Joan
Aiken in foreword
to The
Collected Ghost Stories of E. F. Benson
1992
[…] Unlike the uniquely Gothic disaster of The Face, the subsequent contributions [to Spook Stories] “And No Bird Sings” (which features an estate rather than a house), Bagnell Terrace, and The Temple are jolly frontier tales in which the bourgeoisie successfully impose their suburban will on to a place which is still haunted by ancient forces.
The
thematic unity of Spook Stories partly arises from its
founding myth of
Naboth, whose name is evoked in both Bagnell Terrace and
Naboth’s Vineyard. Naboth, it should be remembered, would
not sell his vineyard to King Ahab because it was his birthright.
Ahab was persuaded to procure the land by using some rather underhand
means, only to incite a prophet’s curse and the death of his own
son. Ahab had violated the mystical connection between land and
blood, and, even though he was a king, he should have accepted his
allotted place.
Whilst Ahab was cursed for coveting the land of a lowly and
powerless neighbour, Benson was altogether happier to imagine
covetous social inferiors. If M. R. James’ ghosts penalised the
“curious,” Benson imagines the spiritual world as revolving
around the need to check human ambitions for the redistribution of
property. The Naboth myth is overturned completely in Bagnell
Terrace, in which the narrator reclaims a delightful suburban
residence from a foreigner who does not justly belong there. The
narrator nicknames the foreigner “Naboth” only because he
personally “coveted” this fellow’s house, but Naboth will sell
his house as a trap, unleashing a curse which the narrator will have
to defeat. Yet the inferior Naboth is sent packing, allowing the
virtuous king to enjoy his new vineyard.[…] Unlike the uniquely Gothic disaster of The Face, the subsequent contributions [to Spook Stories] “And No Bird Sings” (which features an estate rather than a house), Bagnell Terrace, and The Temple are jolly frontier tales in which the bourgeoisie successfully impose their suburban will on to a place which is still haunted by ancient forces.
~James
Mooney at “Tychy”, 25/07/2011. Quoted from here.
Friday, 6 April 2012
The Terror by Night
Fiction ~ short story
First published in The Room in the Tower and Other Stories, 1912
2,880 words
(First read 06/04/2012)
THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS
Somewhat unusually EFB starts this spook story with a bit of background 'theory' on what he calls the transference of emotions:
For some unknown reason I've always been partial to stories about moment-of-death revenants, and this is a good example of the genre. It also has the advantage that it's only about half the length of the average EFB spook and so seems to go at a decent clip, for once.
It's available online here.
¹ To see The Man from Blankley's, by F. Anstey, another favourite author of mine.
First published in The Room in the Tower and Other Stories, 1912
2,880 words
(First read 06/04/2012)
THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS
Somewhat unusually EFB starts this spook story with a bit of background 'theory' on what he calls the transference of emotions:
[...] to take the analogy of wireless telegraphy, we are all of us probably 'receivers' to some extent, and catch now and then a message or part of a message that the eternal waves of emotion are ceaselessly shouting aloud to those who have ears to hear, and materialising themselves for those who have eyes to see.Jack Lorimer, a friend of our Unnamed Narrator's, has been forced to pack his new wife Daisy off to Davos to recover from consumption in the pure Swiss air. Obviously as soon as EFB/UN says "She's making a spectacular recovery" we know the poor lass is doomed. Meanwhile, back in London, Jack and UN, now living together at the latter's house for convenience's sake, start to feel exactly the same sensation of dread ~ of what they don't know ~ at the same time. In a bid to shake off this inexplicable fear the two pals invite a third (Philip) to come to the theatre¹. That evening, as they're getting ready to go out, Daisy expires in Switzerland, but not before 'manifesting herself' to no fewer than four people: our three friends and (perhaps a shade incongruously) UN's 'man'.
For some unknown reason I've always been partial to stories about moment-of-death revenants, and this is a good example of the genre. It also has the advantage that it's only about half the length of the average EFB spook and so seems to go at a decent clip, for once.
It's available online here.
¹ To see The Man from Blankley's, by F. Anstey, another favourite author of mine.
Wednesday, 10 June 1992
The China Bowl
Fiction ~ short story
Published December 1916
3,485 words
(First read 10/06/1992)
A spook story in which our intrepid heroes [EFB?] and Hugh Grainger solve the mystery of the revenant ghost infesting the spare bedroom of the former's new house in Barrett's Square, London. To my mind a very routine and somewhat humdrum supernatural/crime yarn. I marked this in it because it struck me as odd (the bolding is mine):
Published December 1916
3,485 words
(First read 10/06/1992)
A spook story in which our intrepid heroes [EFB?] and Hugh Grainger solve the mystery of the revenant ghost infesting the spare bedroom of the former's new house in Barrett's Square, London. To my mind a very routine and somewhat humdrum supernatural/crime yarn. I marked this in it because it struck me as odd (the bolding is mine):
I was expecting the arrival of my friend Hugh Grainger the next week, to stay a night or two with me, and since the front spare room, which I proposed to give him, had not at present been slept in, I gave orders that a bed should be made up there the next night for me, so that I could test with my own vile body whether a guest would be comfortable there.As it turns out, [EFB?] and pal Hughie end up sharing the room to do their ghost-hunting. But why 'my own vile body'? ~ very curious. The story is available online here.
Friday, 29 May 1992
Dodo's Progress
Fiction ~ short story
First published in Lady's Realm, May 1897, as The Progress of Princess Waldeneck*
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991)
Approx. 5,100 words
(First read 29/05/1992)
This story picks up exactly where the previous one, The Return of Dodo (1896), ended. The day after her triumphant relaunch into London Society, Dodo goes to see her old pal Edith to try and make friends again. During their interview Her Dodiness has a genuine moment of weakness: she breaks down in tears ('hopeless, desolating sobs', in fact) and tells Edie about the state of her horrible marriage to Prince Waldeneck. Dodo and Edith are reconciled ~ well, whoop-di-doo.
As I said in my write-up for The Return of Dodo, I suspect EFB may have had a serialization in mind when he produced these two stories. The fact that Lady's Realm left a gap of six months between the first and the second suggests that they weren't keen on the idea ~ if indeed it was an idea. As far as I know, Dodo's next outing was the first sequel novel Dodo the Second (1914), so Fred may have realized that the whole world in fact wasn't itching to know what happened to his creation next.
* Why the editor of Desirable Residences felt he needed to change the title is anyone's guess.
QUOTABLES
Dodo explains to Edith why it was she was swept away from marrying Jack at the end of Dodo: A Detail of the Day:
First published in Lady's Realm, May 1897, as The Progress of Princess Waldeneck*
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991)
Approx. 5,100 words
(First read 29/05/1992)
![]() |
| "Pull yourself together, woman!" |
As I said in my write-up for The Return of Dodo, I suspect EFB may have had a serialization in mind when he produced these two stories. The fact that Lady's Realm left a gap of six months between the first and the second suggests that they weren't keen on the idea ~ if indeed it was an idea. As far as I know, Dodo's next outing was the first sequel novel Dodo the Second (1914), so Fred may have realized that the whole world in fact wasn't itching to know what happened to his creation next.
* Why the editor of Desirable Residences felt he needed to change the title is anyone's guess.
QUOTABLES
Dodo explains to Edith why it was she was swept away from marrying Jack at the end of Dodo: A Detail of the Day:
'I was blind, deaf, dumb: I could not, I was morally incapable of resisting. If Waldeneck had told me to throw myself out of the window instead of coming to Paris with him, I should have done it. I might have begged for a minute to put on my hat, but I should have done it. He is strong ~ good heavens! he is strong. You don't understand what that means ~ to find someone stronger than yourself, and who can beat down resistance as an iron bar can beat down a weaker thing.'Yeah, whatever, Dodes.
THE CRITICS
[Mr Anthony Hope Hawkins, whose somewhat laboured attempt in a recent lecture to draw a clear distinction between a romance and a novel was not very successful, intends to produce a sequel to his romantic novel The Prisoner of Zenda. It is to be hoped that he will not afford such] an object-lesson of the dangers of 'continuations' as Mr E. F. Benson has lately offered us with regard to Dodo.
~The
Morning Post,
20/05/1897
Friday, 22 May 1992
Number 12
Fiction ~ short story
First published in Eve, 10th May 1922
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991)
Approx. 2,000 words
(First read 22/05/1992)
Our Unnamed Narrator has always dreamed of living in a particular house in a particular London square. He eventually gets his wish, moves in, discovers there's a ghost in residence, and moves out. That's it. It's as brief and sketchy as that. There's nothing more to be said of it.
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991).
First published in Eve, 10th May 1922
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991)
Approx. 2,000 words
(First read 22/05/1992)
Our Unnamed Narrator has always dreamed of living in a particular house in a particular London square. He eventually gets his wish, moves in, discovers there's a ghost in residence, and moves out. That's it. It's as brief and sketchy as that. There's nothing more to be said of it.
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991).
Tuesday, 19 May 1992
Music
Fiction ~ short story
First published in The Windsor Magazine, December 1924
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991)
Approx. 3,100 words
(First read 19/05/1992)
Music is, to use a favourite word of E. F. Benson characters, delicious: charming light satire from front to back and side to side. Just listen to our introduction to this canny, cunning, ruthless social climber:
decides to 'adopt' a young ~ and blond, and handsome ~ pianist who's a countryman of hers². This chap, known professionally as Smirkowski³, has just one drawback: he can't play a note. Still, thinks Our Liz, that won't matter, she can pass his style off as 'modern' and Society won't know any better. And lo! ... well, you can probably guess the rest.
When, as here, Benson is at his very best, his comic stories are twenty times more amusing than his ghost stories are spooky or his dramas are dramatic.
Not one single word of Music goes to waste: it's perfect.
(Daft, obviously ... but perfectly daft.)
¹ A couple of hundred years ago I had a great-great-great-great-aunt who was née Elizabeth Nutter. Not relevant ~ just thought I'd mention it.
² E.N. and her protégé are obviously ex-members of the English 'beef barony' of Argentina: there's nothing remotely Hispanic about them.
³ Stokowski was Big Stuff in 1924.
First published in The Windsor Magazine, December 1924
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991)
Approx. 3,100 words
(First read 19/05/1992)
Music is, to use a favourite word of E. F. Benson characters, delicious: charming light satire from front to back and side to side. Just listen to our introduction to this canny, cunning, ruthless social climber:
When Elizabeth Nutter¹ came to London with a view to perching herself on the very topmost bough of the pleasant tree of Society which grows by the Thames, she possessed the usual equipment of such amiable invaders. She had an amusing face, gowns from Paris, pearls from the Orient, an iron, inflexible will, any amount of money, a variety of complexion to suit all lights, and no husband.I'd love to quote the whole thing but this will have to do ... oh no, go on, Ewie, let's have a bit more. Here's E.N. on the possibilities of picking up a new husband in London (she's already disposed of one such back in the 'Argentine Republic'):
[...] it would be well to make herself at home in London before she chose this permanent addition to her life's appurtenances, otherwise he might not suit her social colour scheme, which at present was undetermined, and it was well to see what sort of possible husbands were stocked just now in London before she selected one.Anyway, she launches herself into the fray and is moderately successful, but soon realizes she's climbing horizontally rather than vertically: she wants to reach the pinnacle rather than content herself with collecting dull Cabinet politicians and uninspiring aristocrats ("For being a duchess," thought the astute Elizabeth, "doesn't prevent your being a dowdy.") What she needs is a stunt. It's a bit of a risk but, despite her innate dislike of music, she
![]() |
| The Divine Novello, without piano |
When, as here, Benson is at his very best, his comic stories are twenty times more amusing than his ghost stories are spooky or his dramas are dramatic.
Not one single word of Music goes to waste: it's perfect.
(Daft, obviously ... but perfectly daft.)
¹ A couple of hundred years ago I had a great-great-great-great-aunt who was née Elizabeth Nutter. Not relevant ~ just thought I'd mention it.
² E.N. and her protégé are obviously ex-members of the English 'beef barony' of Argentina: there's nothing remotely Hispanic about them.
³ Stokowski was Big Stuff in 1924.
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