The Five Foolish Virgins

Fiction ~ short story
Published 25th March 1925
Approx. 2,800 words
(First read 21/12/1994)

An Amy Bondham story ~ for the others click on the appropriate tag below.  In this one our blood-sucking social-climbing heroine and patroness of the arts purloins a rival's up-and-coming young playwright and suffers a humiliating soirée when he reads from his latest meisterwerk at it.  She's ultimately rewarded for her efforts, though.  A charming bit of Lucian nonsense, available in Fine Feathers and Other Stories (1994).

'Complete Rest'

Fiction ~ short story
Published 10th January 1923
Approx. 2,400 words
(First read 21/12/1994)

Another Amy Bondham story ~ for the others click on the appropriate tag below.  This one tells the tale of the social-climbing Mrs B's party clashing with that of the Countess of Rye ~ which she hasn't been invited to.  Rather than suffer the indignity of hosting a party at which only the dregs of society ~ those not invited to dear Peggy Rye's grand affair ~ will be present, Amy cancels her own soirée and orders herself a spell of 'complete rest' at her house in Harlow ...  Starting to sound familiar? ~ once again, EFB recycled this plot in Lucia in London, to great effect.  Lucia fans will enjoy revisiting it in 'Complete Rest'.  The story's available in Fine Feathers and Other Stories (1994).

The Lovers

Fiction ~ short story
First published in The Tatler, 15th November 1922
Collected in Fine Feathers and Other Stories (1994)
Approx. 2,300 words
(First read 21/12/1994)

An Amy Bondham story.  (For others of these click on the appropriate tag below.)  Mrs Bondham is a very close relative of Lucia, the main differences being that the former is honest (at least to herself, anyway) and less pretentious.  In this comic story she decides to further her 'career' by adopting a chaste lover in the form of Stephen Merriall.  Excruciating hilarity ensues when, at a house-party, they are given communicating rooms ...  Does this sound familiar? ~ it should if you've read Lucia in London, in which EFB recycles the plot even down to the exact name of the 'lover'.  Still, it's a fun little story, available in Fine Feathers and Other Stories (1994).

Doggies

Fiction ~ short story
Published in The Windsor Magazine, January 1928; collected in Desirable Residences (1991)
Approx. 3,700 words
(First read 09/05/1992) 

Alas! this is the last of the Amy Bondham stories¹.  In this one she's come into a vast sum of money from an eccentric uncle and is determined to put it to best use to advance her 'career'.  Devoted husband Christopher longs for a yacht and has a stab at persuading his seasickness-suffering better half of the advantages that would accrue from swanning about

the Med between Monte Carlo and Naples.  Obviously, though, Mrs B has a better idea, that of taking a house in the country for the winter so she can keep in with her County friends.

'But I should be expected to hunt,' said Christopher in some dismay.  'So would you.'

'Well, I don't see why you shouldn't hunt,' said she.  'Anyhow you can see what it's like first, and then if you feel you can't manage it, you can easily get out of it.  If there's a meeting of the hunt ~ don't they call it a meeting? ~ anywhere close, you can have a cold or be obliged to go up to London.  As for me, I shall certainly say that I don't hunt, but why should that cut me off from all my friends?

And so it comes to pass.  Christopher spends a large part of the winter on the train back and forth between Leicestershire and London while The Good Lady tries to inveigle herself into hunting circles.  Alas!² Amy Bondham is, like her more famous cousin Lucia, a hilarious blend of the deeply cunning and the woefully ignorant and ... horrors! she blows it!  I won't say any more as the whole thing is a hoot I'll leave you to discover (if you haven't already read it).  Available in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991).


¹ I mean "the last one I've revisited recently" rather than the last chronologically, though it 's that too.
² Oops, must stop saying that.

Entomology

Fiction ~ short story
Published in The Windsor Magazine, August 1925
Approx. 3,900 words
(First read 05/05/1992) 

An Amy Bondham story.  In this one our social-climbing heroine, "whose career was to collect round her all who were famous for intelligence, artistic ability, social distinction, or even birth," sets her sights on the prophet of the Next Big Thing*, by name Mr Vincent Fleet who happens to be spending Easter at Slepe House in the town of Tillingham.  Foregoing her own usual Easter bash in Le Touquet, Mrs B takes herself off to Tillingham where she finally succeeds in bagging her man, or capturing her moth, to look at it another way.  But is her moth the right moth?  Highly recommended, to lovers of Mapp/Lucia and Benson's other Mapp-and-Lucia-y stuff.  Available in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991).

* 'New Psychology': it doesn't matter what it is.  

When Greek Meets Greek

Fiction ~ short story
Published in The Windsor Magazine, December 1926
Approx. 2,700 words
(First read 02/05/1992) 

An Amy Bondham story.  In this one Amy's social-climbing rival bears the splendiferous name of Theodosia Foxinglove.  Having failed to wangle herself an invitation to Theo's 'Elizabethan Fair' (now where have we heard that before?), Amy resolves to get herself into it at any cost.  Meanwhile 'The Foxinglove' is panting to have a real-life princess (it's that trusty Princess Isabel again!) attend her bash.  La Bondham hatches the cunning plan to 'accidentally' send Theodosia a note she's written to the princess saying how delighted she is the royal personage will be able to attend for dinner on the night of Foxy's fayre.   Needless to say, this Machiavellucian ploy pays off and once again Amy scores the point.  Delightful fun.  Available in Desirable Residences and Other Stories (1991).

The Peerage Cure

Fiction ~ short story
Published in The Windsor Magazine, July 1926
Collected in Desirable Residences and Other Stories, 1991
Approx. 2,900 words
(First read 01/05/1992) 

Another story starring that most blatant of social climbers, Mrs Amy Bondham.  Mrs B is having a break from her 'literary, artistic and histrionic friends' (see Entomology and others) and is concentrating on blue-bloods.  Through sheer persistence she's finally managed to bag herself an invitation to the Duchess of Whitby's 'magnificent Norman pile'.  Unfortunately she overdoes it on the ice-skating rink at Doncaster Castle, but is quite happy to come home and develop pleurisy followed by pleuro-pneumonia: it was worth it.  Her devoted (and really rather nice) husband ~ 'Christophero mio': ring any bells? ~ tries to bring her back from the delirium in which her mind wanders constantly over her recent triumph, until finally he hits on the ideal thing: he reads to her out of Burke's Peerage.  That's it: it doesn't sound like much because it isn't much ~ but it's great fun, as are all the Amy Bondham stories.